I didn't go to sleep until 3.20am today, and that royally fucked me up for the rest of the day.
I was up at 12.30am to spazz over J-MELO, as An Cafe's amazing blue PV was on, and it was fully leaked in the morning, but after my spazzings... I feel happy, but drained.
I woke at 4.50am and my stomach pains were back with a vengeance. I had to get my mother up to help me calm down, as even stepping into the freezing cold did nothing to stop my pains. She had to hush me into a normal state, and I must've fallen asleep again in a pain-induced way, as when I woke, it was around 9am.
The house was empty, and I still had my pains. But this time, I was in a state where I could calm myself down, so I managed to have some chicken soup and get on with my day.
With SuG's niconico, the new An Cafe PV and the Amoyamo song, I was content until I came back home from my Grandmother's house around 5pm. I checked my emails, and I saw that I wasn't even called back for interviews in the 8 shifts for the job I applied for. I mean, I would've shrugged it off, but since I have an endless Summer, probably full of depression and illness, it really annoyed me. I know my luck is bad, but 8 shifts, and not even a hint for one? I know jobs go quick in this small town, but I really thought I had a small chance.. Obviously not. I just hope whoever has the jobs I applied for is fucking happy.
And I'm here now, already upset over this job loss, when the realisation of Versailles' hiatus has hit me. And it's hit me hard. All these feelings and memories, such lovely memories, I realise I won't experience them again, at least, not for a long time.
I hate when I spiral into sadness like this, because I look upon whole aspects of my life, and realise that I'm not happy. Not happy at all. No job, no boyfriend, no favourite bands, no money, no health and no escape is really taking it's toll on me.
I just hope I'm better tomorrow.
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