Crash and burn. [9/8]

I thought today was good, but it ended up just being a mess by the end of the night.
I got up early again, my stomach was messing up, mainly because I was excited for a friend. She was seeing her favourite member of her favourite band, and somehow, that excited-ness rubbed off on me. I don't even know fucking why. 
So I was up at 9-10am, checking twitter for updates. I think I got excited because nothing that nice will ever happen in my life, so it feels like I'm leeching of other people's happiness. In the end though, I just become a horrible friend though, because I get jealous, which ends up with my kinda hating myself. 

People say 'Oh, you'll do that yourself one day.' but with my bloody luck... There's no chance in hell I'll ever get good luck. If my life is going to continue the way it is now... Then I don't want to live. I'm scared I'll spiral into suicidal thoughts if I'm not careful. Or maybe that's just the hormones kicking it, just after midnight. I'm not sure.

I got my polaroid camera today. I wish I had gotten it yesterday, but.. That's my luck. I have only taken one 'cheki' so far, but it works well, and I'm pleased. I just hope I can use it more in the next coming week or so.  Also, with checking the post, my An Cafe album still hasn't arrived, and it's probable it won't arrive tomorrow/today either. It annoys me, as I've waited two years already, just to get frustrated 2-3 after the release date. I would listen to it online, but I'm a stupid fan, and I'm waiting for my CD to arrive. It sounds so silly, waiting for a CD. I'm such a sad idiot, when I look back on my life. I sometimes wonder how I made it this far without being severely bullied or such. Maybe the bullies pity me or something.

I also went to a comedy gig tonight, and I saw one of my favourite comics, Ava Vidal live. She cheered me up a little, even if she was only or for about 5-10 minutes or so. It's so weird, seeing someone off TV, it's kinda surreal. But it was a good night, so I wasn't really complaining... Until I got home.

Seeing that my friend DID meet her favourite artist/member/whatever made me jealous. Idek why, I don't even like that particular person. And realising I was actually jealous... Wow, I feel/felt like such a bad friend. I am jealous of something I'll probably never experience, but of some band I didn't even like that much? It makes me want to slap my own face.

I guess I'm still upset I'm stuck in this town. You'll read over and over that I'm sick of this town. I'm sorry. Just leave me here, I'm a bad friend and person. Goodnight.